This month looks good from afar but to be honest, it also looks pretty far from good. It’s encouraging that you keep trying your best and please keep going but the bar isn’t as high as it could be – remember, dreams are free….
Whether you took last month’s insights to heart or not – this next month is going to feel pretty much the same. Add in the heat and humidity – your soul will feel like what a wet book smells like.
Try to look for positive signs in nature – that bee that doesn’t sting you – that downpour that beats you to the garage – that tiny patch of shade taken by the last car in the parking lot – that one, single fly that’s trapped in your house buzzing around laughing at you constantly. Not coincidental, these small signals should get under your skin just enough to throw you into a string of obscenities. Go with it – it will cleanse your spirit.
When confronted with the classic question: Is it me or everyone else? Don’t be fooled – it’s definitely you. Someday it will be everyone else. Today? It’s definitely you.
The voice in your head knows what it’s talking about – you’re better than this (whatever THIS is). Let’s make this month about learning new skills – and no, watching Tik Tok’s isn’t a skill. Get your act together and find your jam.
Say it with me, “Despite my laziness and lack of creativity – I WILL figure this out!”
Stop looking back into your childhood for your lot in life. Did you have a dysfunctional family? Sure – but we ALL did. Time to suck it up and snap off that rear-view mirror.
The investment you made in your education has failed you. Grad school was a fifty-thousand-dollar play date filled with plenty of pithy memories but no actual worth. It’s not too late to find a new direction with the new-found energy you get with the all day binging you’ve been doing.
Starting over isn’t as bad as you think.
The summer solstice marked the longest day of the year and the shortest night of the year. Aside from that, you’ve got 364 days to course correct. This month – let’s try to kick it up a notch!
Your intrapersonal relationships are crying out in the night (again) – probably because you’ve been just a horrible friend and person lately. Stop competing with people – nobody cares that your horse is bigger than theirs. Everyone has their own mess to clean up so focus on your mess first. Start there and look for incremental improvements.
Murphy’s Law exists on many levels for you – love, life, romance, finance, scrabble – you name it. It follows you like a bad penny and try as you might – it’s just not stopping.
Try to ignore the naysayers who seem to be everywhere lately. Stick to your guns – even if they’re concealed. Your time will come – it may not be this month – and frankly, probably won’t be – but being positive is the best thing you have going for you. Your parents were right – you have a great personality.
Keep your guard up and your head on a swivel.
You’ve heard the expression “Benefit of the doubt”? That was written for you because you live on doubt. You eat doubt for breakfast. If you looked up ‘doubt’ in a dictionary – you’d find a picture of you holding a sign that reads “DOUBT”.
Your short-lived career as a competitive eater didn’t work out – so what!? The opportunities are out there waiting to be discovered: snake milker, dog food taster, train pusher – are they unconventional? Yes. Can you do them? Again – yes. Do they pay? Probably not, so maybe combine a couple of these hustles to get you through this rough patch.
Uber lets you be your own boss.
If you see a penny pick it up – by the looks of your ATM receipt, you’re gonna need about 50 billion more of those bad boys so keep your eyes peeled!
Do you love to travel? Do you consider yourself adventurous? Do you have a sense of humor? Do you try to make fancy meals at home? Are people naturally drawn to you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are probably lying to yourself. There’s a place for you in the world – unfortunately it isn’t on an airplane, in a kitchen, at a party or social setting. The universe can be a cruel mistress – and you’ve pissed her off one too many times.
Jigsaw puzzles are a safe hobby for you.
You might be feeling saddened or distracted by a bad decision or a conflict with a close friend or family member. This is because it’s highly likely you’re being a real jerk. Pay attention to all those middle fingers you keep seeing.
Social media platforms are where you hide to avoid real interactions with friends and family and feel important. No ,you’re not a foreign policy expert, scientist, or a weight loss guru. Stick to what you know: pictures of cats, recipes you’ll never prepare, gifs of people falling down, or prank videos. It’s ok to be shallow – build yourself up gradually but do it in person.
There is no substitute for being genuine.
Your therapist is right: It’s high time to start being honest with yourself and stop jerking everyone around. Stop telling people you know certain celebrity chefs or that you were once on America’s Got Talent – neither one of those are remotely true.
Stop talking. Just stop talking. While those around you tolerate you with a smile on their face – your stories are just recycled and tired to the point that everyone can finish them for you. Own up to your blind spots and be open to feedback. VERY open.
Your lucky numbers are 11, 18, and 99 – probably.
If should’ves and could’ves were pots and pans – there’d be a hell of a lot of dishes to do. Stop procrastinating – it’s not a good look for you.
St. Tropez. Paris. Belize. Monaco. The Ginza. These are places you’ll never visit despite your dreams, so aim lower: Newark International Airport. The Finger Lakes. The Tijuana Olive Garden. The Great Onion Fields of West Virginia. The 8 Mile Bridge, Detroit. I’m sure there are some super wicked t-shirts and snow globes at each of these locations so you can add them to your sad, growing collection.
Life isn’t fair – embrace it.
When life hands you lemons – make Lemoncello – not lemonade. It will fuel your raging drinking habit and none of it will go to waste.
Back when you used to be a ‘flat-earther’ you had a more positive outlook on life. Having come to your senses, that positive energy continues to serve you well. Next on your ‘to do’ list: proving the moon landing, capturing a Chupacabra, infiltrating the Free Masons, stow away on a UFO. Goals are an important part of personal growth – you have a long road ahead of you.
Avoid direct sunlight while wearing your foil hat.
If your life was a transmission, it would be manual. Nothing in your life is automatic – except the sequence of failures that began in your early twenties.
The universe recognizes your struggle – but also recognizes your stupidity. At some point – one will outpace the other and let’s hope in the favor of conquering your struggle. Continue to spend time in nature and revel in the perfection of imperfection. Not that this will change your course but at least you’ll feel better. And hey – watching the birds will take your mind of your dwindling savings account balance.
Have you ever felt like you were the punch line of an inside joke? I’ve already said too much…
Look – it’s not your fault you were always picked last in gym class or not invited to the dance after or ‘accidentally left off’ the invite list for your parent’s 50th Anniversary party. At this point in life, it’s nothing a little therapy can’t fix or at least try to explain.
Look for opportunities to build up your confidence and create some bragging rights – take a 3-ingredient cooking class, learn a lost language, become the wizard who can easily assemble IKEA furniture. Opportunities are out there – you just have to find them!
Believe in yourself – especially since others can’t.
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